Christmas is here. This is not a drill. All the shopping, the decorating, the cooking, the stressing has led to this weekend and you’re going to need back up – a survival playlist, if you will, to have your back if and when disaster strikes.
When your family starts nagging you about why you’re still single, there’s a song for that. When a fight breaks out over Christmas dinner, there’s a song for that. When you all get snowed in at your grandparents’ house and have to figure out how not to kill each other, well, there’s a whole playlist for that.
Here are 10 songs for your holiday survival playlist.
1. “Flirtin’ with Disaster” – Molly Hatchet
If there is one thing you can expect come Christmas, it’s the worst. Anything that can go wrong will. Period. It’s best to remember this going in. If you’re always “Flirtin’ with Disaster,” you never get blindsided.
2. “Buddy” – Willie Nelson
The buddy system is important. Find a tolerable second cousin, your toddler niece, anyone. Just never get caught alone. You’ll be captured, overfed, and questioned about your life choices.
3. “Still Not a Player” – Big Pun feat. Joe
When asked why you didn’t bring that nice girl from last year, the only suitable answer is I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.
4. “You Don’t Own Me” – Lesley Gore
Don’t let them criticize how you wear your hair, how you dress, or the way you guzzle Chardonnay from the bottle with the enthusiasm of a new divorcée. Just remember the words of Lesley Gore, I’m young and I love to be young / I’m free and I love to be free / To live my life the way I want / To say and do whatever I please.
5. “We Can Work It Out” – Stevie Wonder
Remember not everyone is going to see eye to eye. But if you go into the holidays with the wise words of Stevie Wonder in the back of your mind, you can work it out. Or you can just wait until after dessert to start throwing punches.
6. “Break My Stride” – Matthew Wilder
They can tear you down, cut you deep, and break your spirit, but don’t let them break your stride. Whatever that means.
7. “Hearts On Fire” – Baker Gurvitz Army
Forewarning, you will get heartburn. Merry Christmas.
8. “Save Me” – Aimee Mann
By the end of the night when you’re surrounded by gift wrapping debris, your pants are cutting into your stuffed belly, and you’ve said “wow, that’s cool” to the same story for the fifth time, you’ll be asking for whatever Christmas miracles are left in the night to save you.
9. “The Things We Do For Love” – 10cc
You’ve laughed at every off-colored joke your uncle has told, had every shade of your aunts’ lipsticks painting your cheek, acted surprised at the pair of socks you’re gifted every year, and stuffed yourself with ungodly amounts of green bean casserole at the request of your cousin’s new wife, and why? Because it’s the things we do for the ones we love.
10. “Bye Bye Baby” – Bay City Rollers
And before you know it, you’ll be singing “Bye Bye Baby” on your way back to your non-Christmas life where you can work on being an even bigger disappointment next year.
Photo by Pamela Springsteen / Shock Ink